Bad Advice Only

Set up claymores with tripwires and see which survives.

How do I get red wine stains out of my white SBC polo shirt?

 

Light up a joint and dab it on the POLO Shirt.



My church deacons want the organ on the one side, but the women's auxilary wants it on the other side. What should I do?

 

Don't have an organ. Form a band instead.

Bwahahahahahaha.

My mother in law is giving me a headache because of her constant yakking. What should I do?

 

She's endangered. Protect her at any cost.

madre says, "How about them Yankees." is an inappropriate invocation for the service tomorrow. Any suggestions?

 

You should announce it on Pearl Harbor Day, and run in the Asian Commaraderie Coalition party.

Really? Seriously?

I have a bone stuck in my throat. What should I do?

 

Always go back to K-Mart and get another one.

I tried to watch two football games and the NASCAR race at the same time this afternoon. madre kept yammering through the whole thing. Tonight she shuts off the Colts/Giants game and says I don't listen to her. What can I do to get madre to sit down and shut up during the game. She's got me uninterrupted all day Tuesday....

 

Shoot her and duct tape her arms to the chair with knitting needles attached.



How can I deal with baseball season coming to an end?

 

Go check yourself into a mental health facility until next season.

How can I cook dinner, clean house, school the children, feed the dog, and still take a nap at the same time?

 

Let the dog cook dinner, have the kids clean the house and call it Home Ec. Now, go take a nap!

How do you mend a broken heart?

 

Get a mistress for Pocadots!

How can I get rid of my wife's rolling pin?

 

Take up wood carving.

How can I complete everything on my to do list?

 

Just mark it off like you have already done it.


I have been offered two jobs, one which I have already accepted. The one I haven't pays more. What should I do?

 

My advice is getting the satellite and keeping the cable also. The wife is going to get really mad. Then next watch the programs she does not like. Just make sure she won’t hand you a divorce paper hahaha.

If I were at the store and the cashier gave me 20 dollars less than I should have gotten after looking at my receipt what should I do?

 

Set fire to the car.

I have to go to work, and it is a half hour away. I took a nap, and woke up 20 minutes prior to work. What should I do?

 

"How about this?”

I have a good idea. Call the boss and say. Hey didn’t you realize we set our clocks an hour back. Drive to work and say. Look Boss. I’m getting better I’m really early to work on time :laugh::laugh:

Here is my question

You’re driving on a road about a mountain and of trees near by. It’s starting to get dark and you get a flat tire. No phones are near by. And you don’t have a cell phone either. What advise would you give me as I am stuck on the road with a flat tire?

 

since only PART of the tire is flat drive on the part that isn't flat


How do I please everyone in church?