Rebellious teenager

The Book I would recommend is the Bible. Start with,
Eph 6:2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise
Eph 6:3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

(She has told some of the youth that she is wanting to have sex with a boy that she knows.)
I would say she probably already has.

As far as her rebellion, I'm sure it hasn't just started. I would say it should have been curbed 15 and 1/2 years ago.

(I personally believe that what is the cause is her relationship b/w her step-dad. He never hugs her, affirms his love towards her, takes her out on "dates". He basically has nothing to do with her and so I think she is looking for love elsewhere.) The problem here is that she sees her step day hugging and affirming his love and going out on dates.....with her mom! ...And doing nothing with her. You have your work cut out for you! Been there done that!

 

JoeKan,
You could be talking about my youngest daughter. We adopted her at three years old, a big-eyed little adorable toddler. By age six she was already being snobby to friends in the neighborhood. By age fourteen she had tried drugs, booze, cigarettes, was sneaking out at nights, and had pierced her own ear three times. I found a letter in her room from a guy discussing when they were going to try their first sex. In desperation I called my brother, who, with his wife, had raised their two sons.
They agreed to take her on for a bit. Having a 'dad' helped, but six months later, when she came home, things deteriorated again.

The one thing that did help, at least temporarily, was prayer counseling. As I recall, I took her once a week and the plan was for her to talk to the counselor without interruption for about an hour and then they would simply pray for about half an hour together. I was not part of it. The results really were wonderful, for in about one or one and a half months she came up to me and apologized for so much of what she had done and said.

When she graduated from high school, she wanted to live on her own for a year, with us supporting her, of course! That was not an option, but since she wanted to be away from home, we sent her to a Bible school in New Zealand where we have lectured frequently and know the people and have fallen in love with the place (Capernwray in Cambridge on the north island). I told her if she didn't like it after the first semester she could come home. She called and told me, that October, that she loved it and wanted to stay out the year.

Great.

By April, after months of counseling and even putting her on antidepressants (all this started around the time of the summer break there), they had no choice but to dismiss her for lying, cheating, and stealing. The day before she left two entire tables were put out in the cafeteria for other students to claim their items, which she had stolen and put in her own stuff. To this day she had not paid back money she stole.

She will be 23 this year. She is living in another state and, believe it or not, working with retarded adults! And she has started college finally.

Sometimes it just takes a lot of time. With some kids, the entire idea is to try to keep them from destroying themselves as teens; to give them the time to mature somewhat.

In your case, it may or may not have something to do with her stepfather. Divorces are always ripping for kids. We went through that three days after this particular daughter turned seven. The shock to the two girls resulted in both of them, at some time later, going through massive rebellion. I did not remarry until both of them were older -- the oldest one was living on her own and working and the younger was starting her senior year in high school. So they both got raised, essentially, by a single parent.

The ideal is a loving family with an intact, caring marriage. But if that is not possible, yes, the kids are going to react. Yes, it would be ideal for the stepfather in this case to be more supportive. But think of something else -- be caring and supportive of a sixteen year old who is not your daughter and you can be accused of molestation at some time later. He is in a tough spot. The father himself may not know how to handle this situation and may be feeling quite stressed and frustrated himself. A lot will have to do with how long he has been in the family -- was he able to get close to this girl emotionally before the teens hit, or is she resentful of his place in the family?

The teen years are times when the brain itself is changing physiologically, and that change is not complete until about 20 years old. That is one reason logic does not always work....

The thing that helped the most with my daughter was prayer counseling. It really helped defuse her anger about our family situation, which, for us, turned out to be the root cause. She had been adopted, which translated into her that her natural parents didn't want her, and then her adoptive dad walked out as well. It was more than she could handle. But keep in mind that she was already a bit of a problem child even at six years old.

So much goes into all of it. You will be in our prayers. I hope this helped a little.

 

Well said, Scarlett.

 

Fix the home problem with the parents and the rest will fall in line. Do you think the girl is prevoked to wrath? Is she discouraged? You've answered your own question. The girl was solid, now isn't. What she is seeking should start at home. Hammer the parents, LET THE GIRL SEE YOU ARE ADDRESSING THE ISSUE. She will regain respect for you and see that the Bible is a fair book.

 

Based on the limited information there is, a few things to note....

Firstly, the advice Scarlet O gives is a good basis for work, obviously it will need modifying to suit the people involved.

Secondly, she is a girl becomming a woman - obvious I know - and has to learn to grow up, someting some do easier than others. Not all kids grow into the people we want, even from so-called 'good' homes. Assuming that parents have done their best to bring up the child, the adult she is becomming is responsible for her own attitudes and actions, and no one, parent nor pastor, can take that responsibility for her.

Thirdly, what you write about her behaviour isn't untypical of a significant number of teenage nonchristian teenage girls (and boys), just comes as a bit of a shock to those who live a relatively sheltered life in a church based environment. SHould she have sex with a guy it's wrong, it's a bad thing and has a lot of negative consequences, but at the same time its not the end of the world. She won't be the first or last to do it. And God's grace is sufficient to forgive, hopefully others can too.

So what to do for her? .. ScarletO's advice is good..

and pray for her, and love her as the child becoming adult that she is.

For her mother .. pray and listen, to the good and bad parts.

For her step father .. that he can handle the situation appropriately, not an easy issue. Remeber, step fathers seen as too familiar with teenage step daughters are in a difficult position - when is it loving affection being shown and when is it inappropriate sexual asvances .. the line is often in the eye of the beholder. And the re is the issue that he is the mother's husband, - and maybe not in anyway a substitute father for the girl. May not be a relationship he has any real affinity for.

So what to do for her? Pray, Pray, Pray ... and love her.


Regards
Bob