Arranged Marriages

I would not have chosen the spouses our two married children chose. I don't have to spend the rest of my life with them either tho. Also, our son had moved with his career and was engaged for about 6 months or more before we met his fiancee in person. Our daughter knew how we felt and it caused some hard feelings before her wedding. She married a non practicing Catholic. We didn't meet him until the day before their wedding. They lived 1,200 miles away.

 

When I was in Korea, the stats for divorce for arranged marriages were lower than for other types of marriage.

Koreans practiced 'arranged dating' where someone sets two people up on a blind date. Kids aren't allowed to date until they finish high school, usually. Then, in college, some of the freshmen will get set up on multiple 'meetings' with members of the opposite sex. They go out with the person who set them up, and see if they like the other person.

Arranged marriages start out similar, with three people meeting for coffee, a meal, etc. But they start talking marriage early on, and an engagement can ensue after a few meetings. Families may be more involved in this. This was more common for older Koreans. Korean women were under a lot of pressure to marry as they got close to 30. I would be surprised if that has changed in Korea since I left.

I think arranged marriage is as valid a way of finding a spouse as dating is in the US, and better in some ways. Now that I am married and my parents won't pick my spouse, I am all for arranged marriage! In the Old Testament, we see that the father had the right to give the daughter away in marriage. A passage in the New Testament might be interpreted in the same way.

I live in Indonesia, where there are still some arranged marriages. There are many races and cultures in Indonesia, so it is not nearly as culturally homogeneous as Korea. In Jakarta, young people date. But they generally do not marry without parental permission. When I got married, the woman from the government asked if my wife's parents consented. I don't know if that was for legal purposes or just to give advice or find out the situation.

I believe parents should be involved in their children (even grown children) finding a spouse. But it starts at an early age, teaching children about sexual purity, marriage, and what to find in a spouse. Children in the US will not learn that parents are supposed to help them find a spouse from television, the movies, the radio-- or in a lot of cases even from church. So the parents need to teach this from the Bible early on if they want to have influence.

 

Its really all about high parental involvement right? My parents did not choose my mate for me (In spite of trying to give away my sister in the above post ), but they definitely had a strong influence first of all in being an example of the type of relationship I wanted to persue, and then by being involved in my life while I was "dating" True Arranged marriages are probably not a good idea, and are not commanded in scripture, although we see them in plenty of narrative text. Whatever you want to call it, dating, courtship, what have you, the model is parents being fully engaged in their child's life so its not even a question but that the parents will be right there through the process of selecting a mate, for advice, encouragement, and wisdom. IF you try to use force to get your kids to do anything, you run the risk of either creating a false compliance, or inciting rebellion, cooperative efforts and teaching your kids how to evaluate situations and relationships biblically work much better in the long run than any kind of coercion.

 

Pastor Bob,

It is great that the second best lady out there will marry the best man out here.

 

However,

It doesn't matter who does the picking, if the couple does not have a commitment to God and to marriage, then it is a mistake ... IMHO